Bred to hunt badgers and other subterranean varmints, dachshunds were born to purpose, stocky and muscular with thick limbs.
Over one hundred and fifty years later, humans have bred them down into smaller, stubby-legged wigglers, who are more silly lap dog than professional hunter... Although many a pet rodent has lost their lives to the household wiener dog.
This is for Bunny who wonders why I make a weird growl when he tries to touch my neck:
I don't need a calendar. I can mark days by the arrival of the leaf blowers. Goddam mutherf**kers who use gas powered devices to move seven leaves 30 feet.
Suffering a monsoon on a Monday, they're here on Tuesday. Winter rainstorms? They're here Fridays. They're more accurate than the weatherman.
They fill the air with gas fumes. They make more noise than elephants on fire. They blow all the leaves and wood chips out of the mulch islands between the parking spots... The mulch areas where lazy dog owners send their dogs to shit at midnight.
Then the semi-soft turds catch leaf blower air and plaster themselves to our front doors... Or the dried out nuggets lodge under the wainscoting beneath those same doors.
And if you work graveyard shift, forget about a good night's sleep once a week, every week.