"Who wants to go on vacation to Nevada and Arizona in August? Anyone? Anyone?"
Meeeeeeeeeee!
Before you question my sanity, allow me to elucidate...
In early August, I joined a group of lovely ladies for a Bachellorette Weekend in Sin City... Although there wasn't much sinning, just sunning. And a lot of cocktails.
NO! Not THAT kind of cock tale! (good lord)
We all stayed at
The Palazzo, sister hotel to The Venetian, and were delightfully surprised at the spaciousness and numerous flat screen TVs, but, due to the airlock death grip of their ventilation system, could barely get into the room.
My childhood friend Lizard - an ex-ballerina with fabulous taste in shoes - was almost wrenched out of her stilettos, putting her entire body weight into the door. Seriously, it was like watching a fashion model try to open a 10,000-pound Fort Knox vault. At night, we'd be awakened by a banshee's howling screech, only to realize it was just suction created by another guest opening their door across the hall.
The room was tastefully decorated in soft shades of green... Except for the couch, which was gold velveteen. My other childhood friend, Woogie, remarked it was reminiscent of 1970's Boutique de Boo-tay, and did inspire one to jump up on the somewhat dented coffee table and belt out a few bars of "Brick House".
While the majority of the party chose to be
rotisserie chickens poolside bathing beauties, Lizard and I undertook a Girlie Quest for makeup and chocolate, weaving our way through cavernous casinos with as little outdoor exposure as possible. We
sweated glistened our way to
Sephora, the heat on the Strip melting the lip balm in my purse, and nearly caused my precious chocolate cargo to do the same...
Or as I like to call it "Oasis of Decadent Goodness in Ceasar's Palace" (nom nom nom). Word of advice: in the Dead of Summer, always protect the goods - take a cab back to the hotel.
My favorite part of the weekend? Saying obnoxious things just to make the bride blush and giggle... FYI:
pink bondage tape makes a great shower gift for the Ann Taylor/J. Crew set.
[C.D. and River have since been married - CONGRATULATIONS!!!
You are a seriously awesome couple - next round is on me!]
After brief respite in California, I joined Yolandar in the lazy comfort of Phoenix... Okay, we were actually in Scottsdale, which made us some of the sexiest
beeches at the Retirement Center pool.
We spent most of the time by the pool and in happenin' restaurants/bars, eating great food. Okay, mostly
drinking great food.
"Of COURSE margaritas count as lunch! Geez!"
After dark, we went for a walk in a beautiful lightening storm, which, as the rain broke, turned into an unintentional wet T-shirt contest. People either thought we were crazy or wanted to buy us drinks.
Compounding this insanity, we climbed Camelback Mountain, only to discover halfway up we had turned onto the 'advanced' trail. I was in admiration of the leathery old farts who made me eat their trail dust. If I trained as hard as they did in direct desert sunlight, I wouldn't be a buff senior citizen, I'd be more like
The vacation was chic-flicktastic. We laughed. We shared. We fell in love...
With puppies:
My expression behind the camera phone was along the lines of
Yolandar is an amazing vacation buddy and graciously allowed me to drag her around... Even to the puppy store. A must-stop in Scottsdale is
Pet's Landing, where they let you molest the puppies and kitties until you're completely smitten and have to resist the urge to buy them in bulk... I almost hooked kittens to my shirt and stuffed wiener dogs in my pockets.
Hey, I needed my hands free to snag a Welsh Corgi.
I always do my best to protect the identity of my Pak and their loved ones, so I won't go into a lot of detail about Yolandar's brother and his family... They invited us to dinner at their home, which turned out to be a drool-inducing fajita smörgåsbord. There were several cute moments: her brother intentionally burning steak because I like carbon coating on my meats; the sister-in-law who risks life and limb and back surgery to repaint the house by herself; their adorable punkette daughter; their World of Warcraft-addicted son who fuels planes in death-inducing temperatures at PHX.
One very awesome family.
All in all, an absolutely wonderful August with some very wonderful people. Thanks, my pretties.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to wring out my liver.
