Stimulating Education

I'm in tears.

I was crying during an office meeting, trying to pass it off as allergies or something in my eye.

I can scarcely breathe.

I may wet myself.

I'm crying because I must not laugh out loud; I mustn't be unprofessional.
The only recourse for this emotional flood is to pour from my eyes.

My department is submitting an application for grant funding, so we met to revise and complete the proposal. One of the program leaders has a mild speech impediment. Occasionally, she slurs her words, as though she's speaking with her mouth full.

She read her revisions aloud:
"New approaches and new perspectives on the work of teaching critical literacy..."

But that's not what we heard:
"New approshes and new pershpectives on the work of teaching clitorisy..."

I bit my lip - hard.

My eyes went wide and I held my breath because I could not trust myself to remain silent.

And the woman continued without pause, as though nothing was amiss. The entire staff appeared unaware of the verbal face-plant; I was the only one fighting off the giggles.

I'm shy with coworkers and strangers, but I openly admit to a hyperactive imagination with a tendency to automatically pervert even the most dry and innocuous comments. My mind began to rewrite the grant for our new study...

"Clitorisy"
A cunning linguistic study to analyze the biologically coded language of the female form. We propose an in-depth, interactive research project, probing for new data in an established, high-energy field.
The resulting climax of the project will be presented at the annual conference before a panel of professionals, who are qualified to strip the data and anatomize the structure to determine the origin of incitement triggering the cascade in clitoral learning.


At least I managed to remain silent.

Did I mention everyone else at the meeting was over 50?

Good thing I kept my mouth shut about piercing the veil of a stimulated educational structure.