Angry Vegan Chef

I'm not giving any opinion on eating lifestyles, I just find Vegan Black Metal Chef videos very humorous.

Merry [belated] Holidays! Here's some delicious blasphemy:

Makes me want to dust off my metal albums and bake some mutherf**king cake... Or just eat frosting off the blade off of my cobra sword cane.

Dachshund Funnies

Bred to hunt badgers and other subterranean varmints, dachshunds were born to purpose, stocky and muscular with thick limbs.
Over one hundred and fifty years later, humans have bred them down into smaller, stubby-legged wigglers, who are more silly lap dog than professional hunter... Although many a pet rodent has lost their lives to the household wiener dog.




This is for Bunny who wonders why I make a weird growl when he tries to touch my neck:



And, of course, "We've got crabs!":

GODDAM LEAF BLOWERS!!

I don't need a calendar. I can mark days by the arrival of the leaf blowers. Goddam mutherf**kers who use gas powered devices to move seven leaves 30 feet.

Suffering a monsoon on a Monday, they're here on Tuesday. Winter rainstorms? They're here Fridays. They're more accurate than the weatherman.

They fill the air with gas fumes. They make more noise than elephants on fire. They blow all the leaves and wood chips out of the mulch islands between the parking spots... The mulch areas where lazy dog owners send their dogs to shit at midnight.

Then the semi-soft turds catch leaf blower air and plaster themselves to our front doors... Or the dried out nuggets lodge under the wainscoting beneath those same doors.

And if you work graveyard shift, forget about a good night's sleep once a week, every week.

Asylum Street Spankers know our pain:



This is from their appearance on the Bob and Tom Show.

Scream For Arachnophobia [Spider Yelling]

Back when I lived in sunny CA, I inhabited a dwelling which maintained vertical height because termites held hands in the walls. This attracted a LOT of eight-legged roommates.

I was bitten. Often. And painfully.

Being allergic to bug spit sucks big fuzzy bug 'nads.
Unsurprisingly, I currently bear the fading pink mark of a vicious arachnid. I received the original bite FOUR MONTHS AGO.

I respect other peoples' right to respect all life forms. You like to relocate spiders? Congratulations on your symbiotic relationship with creatures who are, I seriously agree, integral to our ecosystem.

I like to introduce them to the insect tornado... My vacuum cleaner.

With that dark humor in mind, I'd like to present a video which makes me laugh every. freaking. time. I think it's the variation in Keen Keith's voice, like watching a cartoon. When I'm sad, this makes me laugh until I cry.

Thank you, Keith.

 

Men With Bikini Collections Rock

Did you think I died? Well, I did hit a medical brick wall, but I'm still looking for the joy in life and the people around me.

Please watch this video staring the hysterically funny Steve Kardynal. It will make you laugh until it hurts and keep you smiling all day long.