When Yolondar of Portland first introduced me to St. Nick, I thought, "What a friendly, open, clean-cut young man."
And then I found out about his luscious past: shake that money maker, soldier boy!
As I forced details out of St. Nick, drooling with eager curiosity about a lifestyle I've never known, he buried his chin in his chest and mumbled, reduced to a blushing schoolboy by my exuberant attention. I believe time proved I was not being judgmental, just a devious tease who would say anything to illicit a smile.
By my last day in PDX, he was sharing the contents of his prized boxer collection: that's my boy! Next time I come across boxers with cartoon animals on the bum, they're all yours.
The subject of strippers brings up a topic which has recently been on the minds of friends across the nation: "Are we sluts?"
Not long ago, a good friend confided concern about what they perceived as their tendency towards excessive promiscuity.
I was floored.
This person is amazing: sexy, friendly, loving, sincere, gorgeous inside and out. I would be blessed to be 1/10 as fabulous. I would probably be a lot more comfortable in my skin if I conducted myself with as much strength and courage.
In the clothed light of day, "slut" and "whore" can be venomous and hollow slurs, most often spouted by the jealous and insecure.
It's one thing to Tarzan yell, "You F**ing Bitch; You F**ing Whore" in the bedroom, quite another to spit these words in passive conversation.
Ironically, the most worldly and confidant fret over the same issues as the shy and inexperienced. Most of us are constantly concerned about our perceived inadequacies and failures, even if the rest of the world doesn't notice.
Have not these modern times evidenced the scientific and mathematical inability to quantify/qualify "Normal", "Average"?
Go ahead, my pretties: bitch-slap self-reproach and self-doubt to the floor. Life is too short and you are too brilliant to hide away.
...And the next time you're in Portland, OR, feel free to show St. Nick a little love: tip his good deeds with a fiver in the Jockeys... or a Voodoo Doughnut.
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