Dachshund Funnies

Bred to hunt badgers and other subterranean varmints, dachshunds were born to purpose, stocky and muscular with thick limbs.
Over one hundred and fifty years later, humans have bred them down into smaller, stubby-legged wigglers, who are more silly lap dog than professional hunter... Although many a pet rodent has lost their lives to the household wiener dog.




This is for Bunny who wonders why I make a weird growl when he tries to touch my neck:



And, of course, "We've got crabs!":

This Ain't Your Grandpa's Tool Shed

Please turn back now if you're under the age of 18, or sex toys offend you:

... you have been warned.

Preface: I have friends who work the graveyard shift (or they're insomniacs). Sometimes they get bored. Sometimes, I spend the wee morning hours messing around with them online, like a big happy game of cyber-tag...

Or cyber-"I tagged you with something outrageous, see if you can one-up me."




"Ahoy, matey! Call me Ahab! Thar she blows.... oh, nevermind."



This looks horrifying until you scroll down the stats section and realize it's only 1.5 ft. tall ("assembly required").




But wait! Here's a lovely little soldering gun with holder in girl-friendly pink!





Maybe not.





This one is very Shaun's-uniform-fetish after dark (and I think Chuck would laugh at it too):



Like Dr. Steel (TM) taking over the world, one "goody cabinet" at a time.








Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous!!! If you require heavy machinery, you need to GIVE "IT" A REST!!! Just because you beat the crap out of it [pun intended] before and it bounced back doesn't mean it's going to stay that way!!
Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you keep making that face, it'll freeze like that?!






Okay: stop. Just... stop.

At this point my horror movie-saturated mind pictures mechanical failure resulting in multiple stabbings. It also makes me think there's a room full of heterosexual, male engineering geeks out there who've watched too many episodes of Jackass.








OW OW OW!!! OH SWEET CHRIST! *THAT'S IT!* I'm finishing this wine and calling it a night!!

I have GOT to start going to bed before 4 a.m.

Leeroy Jenkins!

For those of you who have circulated beyond the reach of computer game enthusiasts, "MMORPG" is not a NASDAQ abbreviation or something you contract by french kissing livestock.

It stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game.



Otherwise known as the precursor to humanity's imminent assimilation:

...Because the more you play, the more stationary you become, and the easier it is for the tentacles to wrap and lock.




Some may concur with this summation:




And the marketing companies know just how to make a mundane carbonated beverage full of testes-shrinking Yellow Dye No.5 look like The S**t:



What they've concealed are the side effects of 23-hour gaming days and 12 cases of Dew:





When you have intravenous injections of high fructose corn syrup, who needs fresh air and physical human contact?



Okay, okay, I'm poking fun at the millions of people who truly enjoy such artistic digital masterpieces as World of Warcraft, Neverwinter Nights, Halo, Half-Life, etc.
Even lacking basic comprehension of MMORPG operation, you must have laughed at something related to the culture; therefore, you have benefited from their existence.

You can't tell me this doesn't brighten your day:




And remember: there's still a need out there for us pen-and-paper types...

[click on graphic for large, clear pic]

Big thanks to Bunny (recovered gamer) and Eshin (level 80 WoW Gawd) for their blog-inspiring input.

Productivity Watershed

Arrived at the office feeling drained, yet content, when what to my wondering eyes should appear? A quick morning e-mail from Bunny...

Which led to a day of online gaming...

Stealthily conducted under the noses of supervisors and coworkers.

Let's just say Eve is layin' the SMACKDOWN on Baby Jesus!

K.O. in the manger, Bee-ach!

If you only have four 5 min. to save end the world:

AAAA! Watch out for the clowns!

"Nothing is scarier than a clown."
Especially when they jump out of the toilet.

And I am digging Viva Caligula.

Oh, look: pagan prostitutes on fire...

It's like the original computer version of Grand Theft Auto: all directional arrows and rapid key-stabbing to commit acts of virtual violence... But I haven't uncovered the 'have an orgy with your sister' action, yet.

[adult swim] and William Street Games rock my world. Enjoy.

(Big thanks to Bunny, who knows just how to make me laugh 'til my nose runs... But if I get fired, I'm so living in your van.)

Live Long and Hotter

Molly,
I know it's not The Doctor and Captain Jack, but it's still pretty damn

Yaoi

Big thanks to Bunny for this submission...

Hmmmmm, submission....

Excuse me while I hit 'Play' again.