Leeroy Jenkins!

For those of you who have circulated beyond the reach of computer game enthusiasts, "MMORPG" is not a NASDAQ abbreviation or something you contract by french kissing livestock.

It stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game.



Otherwise known as the precursor to humanity's imminent assimilation:

...Because the more you play, the more stationary you become, and the easier it is for the tentacles to wrap and lock.




Some may concur with this summation:




And the marketing companies know just how to make a mundane carbonated beverage full of testes-shrinking Yellow Dye No.5 look like The S**t:



What they've concealed are the side effects of 23-hour gaming days and 12 cases of Dew:





When you have intravenous injections of high fructose corn syrup, who needs fresh air and physical human contact?



Okay, okay, I'm poking fun at the millions of people who truly enjoy such artistic digital masterpieces as World of Warcraft, Neverwinter Nights, Halo, Half-Life, etc.
Even lacking basic comprehension of MMORPG operation, you must have laughed at something related to the culture; therefore, you have benefited from their existence.

You can't tell me this doesn't brighten your day:




And remember: there's still a need out there for us pen-and-paper types...

[click on graphic for large, clear pic]

Big thanks to Bunny (recovered gamer) and Eshin (level 80 WoW Gawd) for their blog-inspiring input.

Eat Me, Drink Me, Play With My Manhole

Excuse me!?!

Once upon a time, there were two office employees magical fairy princesses assigned to clean out a storage room full of rat turds and fist-sized spiders. Reaching a bejeweled hand into a box of moldy books, one office beech princess cried, "Look! I have found a wonderful game! Let us rest and play with..."

Enticed by the vivid colors and modern art, the pair sat on their giant toadstools and began to 'fantasize' about 'exploring' the wonders of the Manhole:

Somehow, the lighthearted and whimsical tone seems mitigated by the force of the Manhole...

MANHOLE!

... because it's laced with GHB.

Or maybe they're subtly cautioning against, 'if he offers to slip your manhole a hot biscuit'...

Remember the days when software manuals were this simple?

Installation, huh? On most models, that comes standard.
(If this were a drinking game, "hard disk" would get you wasted in 10 min.)

The sequel, "the Womanhole", follows the same format of 'interactive exploration', but they keep that one locked up behind the counter.

FYI: I've been to The Mineshaft in Long Beach, CA. I argue that explains my jump into perverted reverie. Don't know about NotAvril... What's your excuse, lil' bit?

[Big thanks to NotAvril - a great coworker with a sweet nature and delightfully bent sense of humor, without whom this post would not have been possible. Good luck at grad school!]

Productivity Watershed

Arrived at the office feeling drained, yet content, when what to my wondering eyes should appear? A quick morning e-mail from Bunny...

Which led to a day of online gaming...

Stealthily conducted under the noses of supervisors and coworkers.

Let's just say Eve is layin' the SMACKDOWN on Baby Jesus!

K.O. in the manger, Bee-ach!

If you only have four 5 min. to save end the world:

AAAA! Watch out for the clowns!

"Nothing is scarier than a clown."
Especially when they jump out of the toilet.

And I am digging Viva Caligula.

Oh, look: pagan prostitutes on fire...

It's like the original computer version of Grand Theft Auto: all directional arrows and rapid key-stabbing to commit acts of virtual violence... But I haven't uncovered the 'have an orgy with your sister' action, yet.

[adult swim] and William Street Games rock my world. Enjoy.

(Big thanks to Bunny, who knows just how to make me laugh 'til my nose runs... But if I get fired, I'm so living in your van.)